Good Morning Reader
A couple of weeks ago, I was running a session with a group of incredibly talented senior leaders.
Early on, I asked a simple question:
"How many of you think you’ve ever confused humility with false humility?"
Not one hand went up.
Everyone believed they were just being humble.
So I asked them to share what humility looked like in action.
And here’s what I heard:
→ “I don’t speak up in meetings even when I know the answer. I don’t want to sound full of myself.”
→ “I downplay my role in big projects to let others shine.”
→ “I struggle to accept praise—it just makes me uncomfortable.”
Twenty minutes into this discussion, I paused and said,
"Being humble is not believing you are less than anyone else."
True humility means appreciating your gifts and talents without elevating yourself above others.
False humility, on the other hand, is pride in disguise.
False Humility Is a Trap
False humility shows up when we intentionally shrink.
When we downplay our impact.
When we hide behind “not wanting to seem arrogant,” but really we’re just afraid.
Here’s what it often looks like:
→ Deflecting praise you’ve genuinely earned
→ Shrinking your brilliance to fit into rooms that already feel too small
→ Using self-deprecating humour to make others more comfortable
→ Holding back your input for fear of being seen as “too much”
And when I asked the room again:
“How many of you now see yourselves leaning into false humility?”
Every single hand went up.
The Cost of False Humility
These were brilliant, accomplished leaders.
Yet many of them had hidden their talents or missed opportunities under the guise of humility.
- They were not getting promotions because others spoke up and took credit for work that was not theirs.
- They were mentoring others, but no one knew what they were up to because they brushed it off as “everyone is doing this.”
- They weren’t being fully seen not because others couldn’t see them, but because they wouldn’t let themselves be seen.
True humility isn’t about staying small.
It’s open, grounded and confident without being arrogant.
A truly humble person will speak up when they have something of value to contribute. Not because they need to be the loudest in the room, but because they know the team is stronger when they do.
So I’ll Ask You
Where have you been calling it humility, but really you’ve just been hiding?
Here are three questions to reflect on this week:
→ What is one thing you’re excellent at but rarely acknowledge or speak about?
→ Where have you stayed silent when your voice could’ve helped others?
→ Is your version of humility really rooted in fear, not confidence?
Bonus Exercise:
Ask three people you trust friends, colleagues, or family this simple question:
"What are the top three things you think I do really well?"
Then listen without deflecting.
No downplaying. No brushing it off. Just receive it.
You might be surprised by what they see in you that you’ve been minimising or ignoring. Use their answers as a mirror to reflect the value you already carry but might not fully own yet.
Let’s be honest, false humility feels safe.
But all it really does is rob the room of your brilliance.
You’re not helping anyone by shrinking.
Your story, skills, and success are not something to be ashamed of.
They’re a light.
Let people see it.